When it all changed
It's been quite some time between posts. My focus hasn't been on my writing or on my website, life has just been so crazy and busy! Mostly good things of course. The last eight months have been quite a whirlwind. Between building my new 24/7 gym, moving the old gym, growing the new club, starting a new relationship and then finding out I was pregnant, let's just say I have been pretty occupied! It's amazing how life can change so quickly. One minute it's travelling in a certain direction, the next, it looks completely different.
When I found out I was pregnant I was in absolute shock. I had given up all ideas about having children from what I had been told by Doctors. When I was younger my oestrogen levels just weren't high enough, then later in life I had surgery to remove cancerous cells that were covering the majority of my cervix. To be honest, when I was younger, the thought of not being able to have children wasn't really that big of a deal to me. I had my dogs, I loved to travel, I loved to lead a life that was carefree. But, somewhere along the road, that changed. Maybe because people around me were having babies, maybe because I was starting to settle down, I'm not sure, but it was something that started to linger in the back of my mind. I had realised that it was something that I did want in life after all, and it made me sad to think that I would not have it.
Finding out I was pregnant, although it was a complete shock, truly made me realise that miracles were possible. I had been plant based for well over 12 months and I had been using intermittent fasting as a way of healing my back. I truly believe that these factors played a massive role in the miracle that I had experienced. Yes, I had only recently started a relationship, but it was with someone who I knew deep in my heart was the right person for me. My life was also in a position where this would be a possibility.
The doctors were worried about the level of scarring that I had on my cervix and were preparing me mentally for the fact that it was likely that I would have a premature birth. It was nothing to be too concerned about because they were talking about it being somewhere in the 30-35 week range. They would be able to measure this at my 20 week scan where they would check the thickness of my cervix. Aside from that, there were no other concerns.
I have to be honest, I was actually LOVING being pregnant. I don't know if it was because I just felt so truly blessed to have this opportunity, or if it was the changes in my body. In the past with my previous eating disorder history, I would have probably been concerned with the changes in my body. Because of all of the work I have done to deal with this, I was just excited and fascinated. I was still training, teaching and feeling amazing.
We had the 20 week scan on the Thursday and everything looked great. Afterward I had a call from the GP to book in for the following Wednesday just to discuss the results of the scan. I assumed that this was where she would tell me what was happening with the thickness of my cervix.
The week before I had caught up for lunch with a friend who has now got beautiful twin babies. It was the first time I had seen her since she had them. I was just so interested in her story because her babies were premature. She told me all about it, including her experience with her waters breaking which was nothing like I thought it was, it turned out it was also nothing like she thought it was because she had no idea that she had gone into labour when it happened. This conversation was meant to happen and I believe that I would have lost my baby if it hadn't.
On the Tuesday evening the week after my 20 week scan I ducked into the supermarket to get a few things. I was standing at the register, waiting for my items to be scanned and all of a sudden it felt like I had wet myself. I could feel that my pants were wet and I just prayed that no one had noticed. I quickly paid for my things and hurried to the car. In the car I checked and my pants were wet. I sat there for a few minutes thinking about what had just happened. Had I peed myself? Could this possibly be my waters breaking?? Surely not! I was only 20 weeks into my pregnancy. Nothing that I had read in any of the information that I received, the books and websites that I read had mentioned anything about the possibility of waters breaking at 20 weeks!! Surely it couldn't be???
I drove home and got changed, deciding I would call the hospital and just ask some questions. The lady I spoke to said that it was probably just bladder leakage and just to call them back if it happened again within the next hour. I hung up the phone, my mind was racing. I knew that bladder leakage was something that women often contended with during pregnancy but I just couldn't get my head around the fact that mine happened when I was standing at the supermarket. I was still teaching Body Attack three times a week doing the high impact options and I had not even had a small amount of leakage. It just didn't sit right.
Being the nerd that I am, I hopped onto the internet and searched 'waters breaking at 20 weeks'. The small amount of information I found was unnerving. My head was still spinning. About 45 minutes later, it happened again so I called the hospital again. The lady said that it is still very likely it was bladder leakage but for peace of mind if I wanted to I could come down to the hospital. At the time it happened I was putting some socks in a drawer. I KNEW it wasn't bladder leakage. I made the decision to go to the hospital. At that point I figured that if I went down and it turned out it was just me peeing my pants, I would be a little embarrassed but at least I knew everything was ok. I just didn't want to risk it if it was more than that. I am so grateful that I made that choice because of what was to happen next........