I feel that it’s time that I did a little update on my injury so far and my progress. As a chronic over-achiever, this injury has been very humbling and very much has brought me back down to earth. That’s what makes it difficult to write this particular blog post. It is out of character for me to be a negative person. I’m definitely not going to lie and say that I am never negative because that couldn’t be any further from the truth. But I am the sort of person who likes to keep these moments as private as possible. I’m that chick who holds back the tears until I make it to the bathroom and then those tears come thick and fast. I have found that being the master of Game Face doesn’t always work in one’s favour though. This injury has certainly taught me that. Not only had I almost convinced myself that I was going to get over this thing quick smart and be back in action, I had inadvertently convinced others that this was the case. It’s one thing to put on a brave face for others to see, but sometimes it can definitely work against you. I have found that people have formed an incorrect perception of me. Some people have decided that I am some sort of superwoman who has the ability to heal myself in rapid time and just kick on with life. I think I also in some ways convinced myself of this too.
This week has been bloody hard. Due to confidentiality, I can’t say too much, but I was given the opportunity of a lifetime to be a part of something pretty massive, and yesterday was the day that myself and a couple of others were due to fly out and take part in this awesome experience. Even when I found out the extent of my injury, I still had hope that I would maybe be able to still take part. About a week before we were due to leave, I had to make the call, it just wasn’t going to happen. Thankfully, they were very generous and offered for us to find someone to take my spot, which luckily we were able to. To say I was devastated was a bit of an understatement, partly because I was also the one who initiated the whole thing and yet I was not able to participate. There was a silver lining however, they even more generously offered for me to accompany the others and be with them for the whole thing to support them. Although I couldn’t physically participate, I was still happy about this, until it dawned on me, a couple of days before we were due to depart, that this wasn’t even a possibility. I still wasn’t even at the stage where I could stand up for any longer than five minutes and able to walk further than 100 metres. I would have also been ‘that’ person that would have had to undergo the explosives tests and ended up a disgraceful mess from being in so much pain. So……I have stayed home. No miraculous recovery, no amazing change of events, just me staying home, with the pooches. I would love to say that we have been having the time of our lives home on our own, partying up a storm but I’m not gonna lie, the second they left the house on their adventure, I burst into tears and I have been on an emotional Roller Coaster since going through phases of breaking down in tears and then giving myself a stern talking to telling myself to pull my shit together. Is this really the example that you want to set for your children? Or, in my case…dogs. Although, I have to admit, just as I wrote that sentence, one of the three amigos farted (the jury is out on which one it was), and it wasn’t pleasant. Paybacks a bitch I suppose…..
I guess I was still living in denial. It’s a difficult place to get out of. Acceptance of a situation like this is bloody tough. One of the hardest things I have found is that I feel I have let other people down. The reality of the situation is I am human, just like every other person out there. I don’t have magic healing abilities and some days (more often than not at the moment) I don’t have the ability to put a smile on my face and pretend that everything is ok. Because sometimes it’s not. And you know what? That’s life.
I’m now not living in a world where I am expecting miracles. I have moved to a place of accepting reality. It’s been tough and I have been resisting it like there’s no tomorrow, but I’m there. I’m celebrating the small things now. I was taking Endone four times a day for just over a week. Yesterday and the day before I reduced it to one a day. So far today I have not taken any Endone and there have been no tears! I am still taking diazepam four times a day as per doctor’s orders. I will probably keep that up whilst the nerve pain is still hanging around. I managed to sit outside and read a book too, on a supported chair with an ice pack on my back. It was nice to just get some sunshine.
Having said all of this, I’m still going Plant Based with my nutrition. I’m still eating foods that reduce inflammation and avoiding foods that cause inflammation. I still can’t completely shake my over-achiever attitude and where professionals are saying a recovery time of 6-12 months, I have other ideas. But I’m not being stupid at the same time. One of my biggest challenges is making sure I do eat, because I know I need to fuel my body. I’m a bit sad about the amount of muscle, strength and fitness I have lost, but I know, in time I will gain that back. I’ve lost just over 5kg since being out of action and I’m pretty sure a large chunk of that is muscle. I’m about to start putting up LOST posters to see if anyone has found my missing booty. Although that would only be in a 50-100metre radius of my house due to the fact that I can’t walk far and am banned from driving under the influence of these drugs I’m on…….
So, if you’re interested, watch this space. I’ll do my best to keep you updated on my recovery. I’m going to do up some other topics soon too, I’m pretty sure you’re all getting sick of hearing about this injury…..there are more important and interesting topics to write and read about. Like Business Finance, I’m going pretty in depth in my learning of all things Business Finance at the moment. Before you know it I’ll also be an accountant!
Til next time……