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  • Writer's pictureKris Barling

When do you finally stand up for yourself

This last week has been an interesting one for me......I hurt my back and have been given no choice by my body but to lay on the couch and do nothing but watch the black box......that's probably what has been the most interesting part. Firstly, I have to say, how freakin awesome is it that you can sign up for things like Netflix and HayU where you can just binge watch television shows?? Whilst I never used to be one to sit down and watch tv much, some circumstances require a good old binge watch!

So, don't judge me, I'm sure you all have your own dirty little secrets, but I have been watching some pure trash tv, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump rules and it has been so entertaining. The reality is, watching a bunch of people's dramas and fighting has been what has kept me partly sane. Who even am I???

But on a serious note, one of the things I love about these shows, as crazy as they might be, even as wrong as they might be, these people stand up for themselves. This is something that I realise I have never really done in my life. I always say that I don't like confrontation, which is very true. Deep down it has been ingrained in me to avoid it at all costs. It scares the hell out of me. I'm no psychologist but I do believe that as a child, it was drilled into me that confrontation eventuated into punishment. Standing up for myself as a child only had one possible outcome, I would end up second best. If I think about this logically, the reality is that as an adult, when you stand up for yourself and speak out, the consequences are going to be very different from what they would be when you are a child. You have the ability to remove yourself from the situation and defend yourself if required.

Sometimes it takes watching a trashy television show to have this sort of epiphany. This is something that is so deeply inside me that I have made excuses for myself for not standing up and actually defending myself in situations where I have had every right to. I have been that person who has always claimed that they are being the bigger person by just walking away, by not responding and for not having confrontations. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to start heading out and picking fights with everyone I see just for looking at me in a funny way, but I do think that enough is enough.

Like every other person out there, I have encountered shitty and hurtful people. Actually, in fact, I have been accused of being a shitty and hurtful person myself. I have had people attacking me, sometimes to my face but mostly in the most brave way- via messages and on good old Facebook ;). Every single time, regardless of how out of line these people were, or how differently my side of the story was, I took what I thought was the high road. Or how I justified my actions (or lack thereof) for not standing up for myself. I bet that so many of you are the same way and at times there is definitely a place for being the bigger person and not responding, but I feel it should always be because you have assessed the situation and made the decision that it is completely unnecessary and not because you are too scared to. I don't have any secrets on how to change this yet, hopefully in time I will be able to as this is something that will be completely new to me. What I need to remind myself of is that as an adult, the repercussions of standing up for myself won't result in physical abuse, and if it did, there would be even worse repercussions for the other person. The other person I think, at the end of the day, will generally only be abe retaliate in a verbal manner, which if you can do the work and increase your own self-worth, nothing they can say will be able to hurt you. You also, as an adult, have the ability to get up, walk away and remove yourself from the situation. It's about deciding what you will and what you won't tolerate which always comes back to your self-love and self-respect.

Doesn't it always???

Kris xx

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