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  • Writer's pictureKris Barling

How do you describe "Rock Bottom" and what leads to change

I'm spending some time working on my next book this weekend, which is really exciting, yet very daunting at the same time. One really powerful thing I am writing about is that feeling of Rock Bottom, that feeling where you just can't seem to take any more of what life has to throw your way. I’m not talking about having sad days. I am talking about true rock bottom. Rock bottom is that feeling where you are ready to give up completely on everything and everyone in your life. It is that point where you feel as though you can’t take any more pain, when you don’t even want to wait and see if things are going to improve. Depression is overwhelming. Some days you feel ok but other days the sheer thought of getting out of bed and facing the world is exhausting. I was asked in an interview a few days ago to explain what rock bottom feels like. You would think that, having been there multiple times in my life that I would at least be able to find some explanation for it that made some sense. But I have to admit that I really struggled. Rock bottom is a feeling that is extremely difficult to describe to someone who has never been there before. It is dark, lonely, confusing and very difficult to see any way out of it. You aren’t there because it’s an enjoyable place to be, you’re there because you can’t seem to see any way out. It’s called rock bottom for a reason. Imagine that you are stuck at the bottom of a massive hole that you can’t find any way to get out of. You aren’t there because it’s a fun place to be. Sometimes you can’t even explain what led you to that place. It’s not that you don’t want to get out, it’s that you just can’t see any possible escape route. For those people who do not know what it feels like, be extremely grateful. For those who do, you will understand exactly what I am talking about. It can be both painful and numb at the same time. The last time that I was at true Rock Bottom, I was in so much pain that I had to make the decision. I knew that if I ever went back to that place I was going to end up dead. It was that day that I made the decision that I had to do whatever it took to never end up in that place again. I hit a threshold, the only threshold that will force you to make a change, in any aspect of your life. The PAIN THRESHOLD! The pain of remaining the same far outweighed the pain that I believed was associated with making the changes that were necessary to get out of that dark hole. The same concept applies with so many different things in our lives that we know need to change but for some reason struggle to actually make those changes. I believe that it is the reason why we often stay in relationships that we know are detrimental to us. When I refer to relationships, I'm not just talking about romantic relationships. I am also referring to relationships with family and also friends. We know that the relationship causes us pain, we know that it isn't healthy and we 'think' that we will be in a better place if that person is not in it. However, our imaginations run wild. We think of all of the possible negative outcomes that could take place if we made the decision to change our situation and actually follow through with it. We think about the security that we may lose, friends that could turn against us, the damage that these people could cause when we inform them that we no longer want them in our lives.......

When we decide that it's time to get out of the big black hole, we know that we probably won't be able to do it on our own. This means that we will need to open up and talk about what we have been going through. If you're anything like me, having been able to put on a happy face so that others have no idea of how you're actually feeling, the thought of telling anyone the truth is extremely painful. It feels as though you are opening yourself up to a word of pain that you don't know. When you are in that dark place, as crazy as it sounds, you almost become comfortable because you know the pain and you are used to it. I admire anyone who has been able to make the decision to change their life, their relationships and their environment and place themselves in a position that is so completely out of their comfort zone. The way I saw it at the time was that there was no possible way that I could feel any worse so I made the decision that I was going to do everything in my power to change things.

If you are someone that is at rock bottom at the moment, only YOU have the ability to make the decision that you can't be in that place any longer. No one else can make it for you and no one else can make the changes that need to take place to get you out of there. The people around you can only do so much to help you but you need to change what is deep inside you. True rock bottom turned out to be a blessing for me because the only possible solution was climbing up.

Kris xx

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